12 days and counting...

My heart flutters a little or a lot when I think "I could be having a baby in +/- 12 days!" It is crazy! For the most part my pregnancy has been wonderful, a little uncomfortable and painful at times, but nothing really dramatic or serious... of course I have nothing to compare it to either.

I have had two baby showers already and one more this Saturday, the stuff that I have received has been wonderful, however the advice, stories, and camaraderie that I have been experienced with each of you has been absolutely wonderful! As a new parent or soon to be, even though my experience in labor will be different from yours, it will be mine, and it is because of your stories, advice, and experiences that will have allowed this experience of my own to occur... so THANK YOU! Also, those of you that have been able to come to the showers, it really does mean a lot to me because I can't do any of this without each of you, even those who aren't able to come- friends and family. You are in my life for a reason! :)

I'm pretty sure I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions... now that my sister pointed out to me what they were exactly, I know I've been experiencing them... someone told me that they were "fake contractions" and every time I felt them, I'd think, "this does not FEEL "fake!""  So the tightness of my stomach when I felt like I was having a menstrual cramp... yeah that is a false labor pain, but this week, however, I have been feeling them more often... not often enough to call them contractions, but often enough to know and realize that my time for Labor is coming closer (I hope)

I am certainly excited, although most people probably couldn't tell, to see what our little guy looks like and to be able to hold him in my arms and to feel his reality in my/our life.   I guess I don't show excitement very well, it is in part of not wanting to get disappointed, I mean what if he comes out looking like a hairy beast from another planet... sure he'll be my hairy beast but what if he is really ugly and I just don't feel the "connection" right away, I don't want to feel disappointed or guilty!

Yet on the flip-side, I have heard of women not experiencing that "connection" right away, and it may take a few days or weeks for the reality to set in or the connection.  I feel like I am a laid back kind of gal, not truly settled on being overly strict or overly laid back, but somewhere in the middle, hoping that when my kid does something annoying, I can find the humor in it instead of getting mad and yelling.  Hoping that Jeff and I will be the kind of parents that our kids will trust, respect, and have a good time with.  I am grateful for my own parents for not being Strict, and for not being Lax either.... they were somewhere in the middle and not only do I respect them, I also trust them, and can honestly call them my friends as well as parents. I love them so much, and if Jeff and I can be even half as good as they were to me and my siblings, I will feel like a successful parent.  

I guess I am the kind of person that takes everything in, but then filters and sorts things out to make it my own.  I try to learn from other people's experiences, mistakes, and successes. I am so grateful for the friendships that I have had, and have had the opportunity to make new friends as well, each of you has a special place in heart. (I know it sounds totally cheesy but it is true - not one single person do I regret being friends with or knowing)

Wow, 12 days! give or take, lately every time I think about him the date Feb 4 comes into mind, maybe it is when he will be due, maybe it will be when I feel the "connection", maybe some other significant thing will happen that date, or maybe it is nothing at all... I really don't feel like he will come early, but no one knows for certain except God, and he isn't letting me in on it yet... But I'm totally O.K. if he, our baby boy stays where he is (healthy and noiseless) as long as he is able to without it causing any harm to him or me....

Tomorrow I am going to a Breast Feeding Class and then to my Dr. Appt.  I am looking really forward to the BF class, I hear that it is really helpful, and I hope to retain a lot of helpful information.  Also, looking forward to seeing the Dr.  Last week he was hoping I had dilated at least 1cm, but I hadn't, he just said, "you've got a LONG way to go"... Of course anything can happen from now till Jan 31, I mean everything can happen all at once, or at least within a few hours! so I know I shouldn't worry, but when my Dr seems to be pessimistic about my progression it really doesn't help me to be optimistic. ya know?

Anyway... I'm pretty sure we have decided on a name... Mason Timothy Smith; however, if he comes out not looking like a Mason, we might go with Timothy Mason instead or may have to come up with something different. We'll see.

I am super excited for this weekend! it is my last shower before the baby is due, but not my last weekend, but it could be, I guess I won't know till it happens! This shower is with family, co-workers, and BFFs... yeah, a great combination of goodness!  I'll try and either take some photos or have someone else be in charge of taking photos, so I can post them later.

More to come....